(♪ ''I Like the Way'' by Beenie Man)
♪ Zaga-zow, ziggy-zow, zaga-zow
♪ Let me out, ba-na-na, yow
♪ Zaga-zow, ziggy-zow, ze, ze, zow
♪ We like the way you comb your hair
♪ We like those stylish clothes you wear
♪ lt's just the little things you do
♪ That show how much you really care
♪ And when l'm all alone with you
♪ There's nothin'l would rather do
♪ Than spend each moment loving you
♪ Baby, through and through
♪ Girl, you wanna make me touch ya, touch ya
♪ Girl, you wanna make me rock ya, rock ya
♪ Girl, you want to let me kiss ya, kiss ya
♪ Move over, make me beg ya, plead ya
♪ We like the way you comb your hair
♪ We like those stylish clothes you wear
♪ lt's just the little things you do
♪ That show how much you really care
♪ And when l'm all alone with you
♪ There's nothin'l would rather do
Argh!
♪ Girl, so you want to freak me, freak me
♪ Girl, so you want to kiss me, kiss me
♪ Use your hand and touch me, touch me
♪ Touch me all over body, body
Honk, honk!
♪ We like the way you comb your hair
♪ We like those stylish clothes you wear
♪ lt's just the little things you do
♪ That show how much you really care
♪ And when l'm all alone with you
♪ There's nothin'l would rather do
♪ Than spend each moment loving you
♪ Baby, through and through
♪ Girl, so you want to freak me, freak me
♪ Girl, so you want to eat me, eat me
♪ Girl, so you want to kiss me, kiss me
♪ Use your hand and touch me, touch me
♪ Touch me all over body, body
♪ Girl just want to groove me, groove me
- Watch out! - (car horn)
Sorry.
♪ lt's just the little things you do
♪ That show how much you really care
♪ And when l'm all alone with you
♪ There's nothin'l would rather do
♪ Than spend each moment loving you
♪ Baby, through and through
Yo, what's up with that?
- Tommy quit. - Looks Iike he went out in styIe.
You know Tommy. You better steer cIear of Bostick today.
Come on, man. I invented the Iow profiIe. I ain't goin' near that.
Hey! Bostick wants to see everybody. Now!
Check it out. Openin' up two miIes from here.
- HeIIo, CastIe WorId. - (woman) I heard that.
We've survived a recession, two earthquakes and a heaIth inspector
who, despite my many advances, turned out to be gay.
We're not goin' anywhere. We're gonna stay right here and compete with CastIe WorId.
I've been providing quaIity jobs for this community for over 27 years.
I got an idea.
Why don't you cash out? Yeah, yeah. Go to Miami,
get you a CadiIIac and one of them baId-headed pooI boys.
Everybody get to work.
JamaI, you can cIean the moat.
Oh, come on...
But first I wanna taIk to you.
Dammit, JamaI. Can't you Iook outside yourseIf for two seconds
- and just buckIe down and heIp me? - Why can't you heIp yourseIf?
Forget about the community and ''providin' quaIity jobs'' for peopIe.
Take what money you got, and jet.
Book it. You feeI me?
(whispering) Get out. Bye-bye.
You don't get it, do you?
I had high hopes for you.
Maybe you shouIdn't have.
JamaI.
CIean up them battin' heImets whiIe you're at it.
Urgh! Dang , man!
Man, this is Iike some Three MiIe IsIand, Exxon VaIdez shit.
What other choice do we have, man?
In two weeks CastIe WorId's gonna bIow this pIace out the water.
We appIy now,
avoid the rush.
- Oh! - You feeI me?
- Yes! - Cos I can't keep doin' this, not here.
Oh. AII right. OK.
- To CastIe WorId! - To CastIe WorId!
- And then I go in... - Aah!
You dead.
Hey!
- That's gotta be worth a Iot of money. - What?
Oh, hoId on. Let me get something to get that out.
Agh!
(gasping)
What the heII...? Hey, Steve!
Mrs Bostick!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
The water's coId!
You disturb my peace.
What is your business here?
What the heII...?
Oh, aII right. I get it.
You had too much to drink, huh? Openin' party for CastIe WorId?
Oh, you're upset. I ain't got no beef with you, dog .
KindIy address me with the proper respect.
I am KnoIte of MarIboro.
And I am not a dog .
You may not be a dog , but you may wanna roII over.
Got my suit aII soaked up.
Wait a minute. You ain't breathin', man!
Ohh!
He ain't breathin'! Um... 911!
911! White man down!
White man down!
I'm gonna get a IittIe cIose to your mouth,
so if you wake up and you see a brother on you, I ain't Iike that.
It's about gettin' you to breathe.
So bear with me. Ahh!
Here we go. Here.
Oh, damn!
What you been eatin', spoiIed nachos?
Wait. Wait, wait!
Uh, where...
Uh... Spray paint.
I ain't gonna spray-paint you. No!
Ah, hoId on.
Here we go.
- Bahh! - Agh!
(coughs)
You've saved my Iife.
- Don't mention it. - I owe you... thanks.
Don't even worry about it. Where do you Iive, man?
Come on. Here you go. Come on.
- This is it? - It is.
What the...?
Whoa, whoa. You got a Iicense to have animaIs, man?
This is a big -ass donkey. Do you have a Iicense for this?
Homie, may I make a suggestion?
IKEA. Yeah, get you some end tabIes and some of them $5 Iamps, man.
You know, and a futon. Then you'II be styIin'.
And try to wear somethin' on your feet that has a IittIe give other than metaI.
You know, get you the proper sneaker.
Are you hungry?
What is that, man?
- 'Tis food. - 'Tis road kiII, man!
Ugh. You know what? Get you some food stamps.
Just teII them you doin' bad. You know what I mean?
You know, if they don't beIieve you, ask a sociaI worker to come through your spot,
check out where are you Iivin', cos this is...
It's Iike that, seriousIy.
And you oughta get yourseIf into a sheIter, you know?
Try that. So, um...
Thank you for inviting me to your pIace.
Thank you
for your... conversation.
- You thankin' me for taIkin' to you? - I am a man reviIed for my faiIings,
for... for I have not served weII my queen.
I must be crazy, man.
(sighs)
Here's two bucks. AII right?
Get yourseIf some soap and, uh, some Tic Tacs.
I'm gonna get up outta here.
Freeway shouId be that way?
I'II find it.
(Jamal) Brother Iost in the woods: not good.
(bleating)
(mooing)
(whinnying)
Oh, heII, no! You know you did wrong !
Oh, shit! CastIe WorId?
Mrs Bostick, you're in troubIe.
(Jamal) You aII seen that? They tried to run me...
HoId up! HoId up!
HoId up!
Hey, Iet me see your manager, OK?
I damn near got trampIed by some of them dumb-ass actors
takin' their job way too seriousIy!
- Who be ye? - Who be I?
I be stompin' your ass, you put your hand on me one more again!
OK? I'm from South CentraI.
FIorence and Normandie.
Normandy? A thousand pardons.
We've been awaiting word from Normandy. PIease, enter.
We'II inform the king of your arrivaI.
That's more Iike it. That's how brothers need to be treated, you know?
And taIk to your boy, cos punks jump up to get beat down.
I'II hoIIer!
Whoa. CastIe WorId's got it goin' on:
horses, costumes, smeIIs...
HeIIo. Lose the hat, homie.
(man) Thank you for saving our IittIe viIIage.
And such is the Iegend of the BIack Knight.
(imitates horse whinny)
- (laughter) - The princess wiII Iook so beautifuI!
It wiII be a wedding for the ages. Don't you agree?
Yes, but she doesn't Iove him.
So? She's but a woman.
What if a woman were not considered just a man's property
and were free to choose her own husband?
- Are you feeIing iII? - Let us pray it's not pIague.
- ShouId she be bIed? - No.
No, I'm quite weII. It was just fooIish taIk.
Oh, damn.
That's what I'm taIkin' about.
Uh...
AIIow me to introduce myseIf.
JamaI.
Victoria.
Oh, wait! Uh, Iook, darIin'. Don't cheat yourseIf, treat yourseIf.
Uh, Iook, uh...
I, uh, I don't... work here.
Yeah, I'm a taIent agent.
I represent, uh, peopIe Iike... Mariah... DenzeI...
You can caII him ZeI. I'II Iet him know just you gonna caII him ZeI.
But I gotta teII you... I'm just gonna be upfront and say it. You are gorgeous.
You gIow, girI.
You speak with an unusuaI tongue.
Oh, no, that's just how we taIk in my neighborhood.
Now, Iook, first thing we gotta do is get some pictures taken.
- You own a thong ? - A what?
OK, never mind. Why don't you just bring an oId pair of drawers and cut the ass out?
You know? So just give me your number.
Seven.
- Excuse me? - You asked my number.
I am one of the king 's chambermaids, number seven.
Oh. WeII, that must be your empIoyee number.
No, I was taIkin' about your phone number. Don't worry. I'II write my number down.
Anybody got a pen?
- You can read and write? - Yeah.
Who you been datin'? You gotta raise the bar.
Good day, Iadies. How are you feeIing today? Wait. I shaII teII thee.
- (gasps) - Yes.
Very nice.
You especiaIIy, my Nubian queen.
Hey, what the heII is wrong with you, man? Don't you know that's sexuaI harassment?
Ah! You the idiot that damn near ran me over, aren't you?
Wait tiII I find your boss. He's gonna fire your metaIIic ass.
You wouId do weII to mind your tongue, Moor.
- (women gasp) - Or I wiII cut it out and feed it to the dogs.
(imitates dog panting)
Come here. Nah, I'm just messin' with you, man.
I ain't no taIent agent, so cut the act.
I'm just tryin' to get at her. Ain't she fine? Watch me work.
Moor! Do you mock me?
The king awaits thee, messenger.
You might want to take a chiII piII, aII right?
''Do you mock me, Moor?''
Hey, Iook, your boss makes you caII him ''king ''?
We gotta taIk union.
Yeah, man, that's not right. We gotta get you a dentaI pIan.
We do apoIogize, sire. We did not expect your arrivaI for severaI weeks.
- How shaII I introduce thee? - What do you mean?
Your formaI introduction for your audience with the king .
FormaI introduction?
(♪ regal fanfare)
Your Majesty, if I may have your attention?
Starting at smaII forward,
from IngIewood High,
two-time AII-County Conference PIayer of the Year, the messenger from Normandy,
(imitating sports announcer) JamaI ''Sky'' WaIker!
That be I! What's up? What's happenin', y'aII?
Thank you! Appreciate it, big homie! Thank you!
It's the... (barks)
Hey, what's up, now?
Oh, man! Now, that brings back memories.
You arrive earIy. My daughter and I weIcome you. What news from Normandy?
Uh... what news?
WeII, a coupIe of drive-bys.
Other than that, same oI', same oI'.
When wiII the duke arrive to take my daughter's hand?
This is a heII of a setup you got here. I mean, I'm not Iyin'. I mean, whoo!
You got to have major coins behind this. Who's backin' you - Puffy?
SiIence, Moor! TeII me, when wiII the duke arrive?
Oh, I get it. You wanna see if I can improv.
OK, weII, Iet's see...
The duke wiII arriveth
in aII his royaI pomposity and spIendor on Tuesday.
Tuesday! Ha. That is exceIIent news.
Ah. PhiIIip, have the servants pIy this messenger with much food and drink.
And Iet him Iay with any damseI he desires.
Except my daughter, of course.
- Can I get a ride back to town? - Oh, an exceIIent idea.
PhiIIip, show our guest the grounds.
AIIow him rest, and then we shaII ride, and ride we shaII.
Oh, ho, ho! This is funky!
Hey, oh!
Y'aII got the IittIe cutout thing Iike the castIes for reaI.
Hey, how you doin', Miss DarIin'?
Hey, Iook here. I'm in the presidentiaI suite. Uh-huh.
Yeah! Oh, so, I get it.
This is Iike a theme park and a hoteI, right?
- Sire? - Y'aII got the reaI brick.
None of that fake stuff, huh?
Oh, man! Oh, man! Hey, I need to use your bathroom.
Bathroom? What is that, I pray thee?
I gotta drain the... you know, drain the anaconda.
- Ah, the privy. - Yeah. Appreciate it.
Oh, got to go! Got to... Whoo!
Oh!
(flies buzzing)
Oh, damn!
SeriousIy, you think you're gonna charge peopIe money to stay here
and wipe their ass with straw?
Ain't gonna happen.
There's doo-doo on top of the...
TeII me you don't see that shit!
And I mean that IiteraIIy!
- Where's the Texaco? - Texaco?
- What's happenin'? Where y'aII goin'? - To the beheading .
- They're executing the Ieader of the rebeIIion. - Y'aII went aII-out. Y'aII got the...
- You said, say what? - They're executing the Ieader of the rebeIIion.
Oh, that shouId be Iive. Let's check it out.
Remember that IittIe honey I was hoIIerin' at?
- Out the window? - Yeah, yes, yeah!
(Jamal) Hey, that's tight!
Long Iive our deposed queen!
Power to the peopIe!
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your rehearsaI.
PIease, proceed, proceed.
(crowd gasps)
Y'aII got a head that comes off? A neck that spurts bIood?
Look at the head.
How do they make it Iook so reaI?
Oh, because it is reaI.
(screams)
You have to caIm yourseIf.
CaIm myseIf? I was just hoIdin' a human head!
- You'd think you've never seen an execution. - Not IateIy!
Wait, uh...
OK, aII right. What day is it?
- Is it Sunday the 5th? - Yes, messenger, I beIieve it is.
- 2001? - Two?
It is the Year of our Lord, 1328.
- Argh! - The date frightens you?
You think it don't when it does! Oh!
I didn't mean...
OK, Iet me caIm... Let me just reIax.
That's what... a seat. It's a...
AII right, is this how you use the chair?
OK, cos I don't reaIIy know if you shouId go...
(moans)
- I gotta go! - But Ieave you cannot!
There's work to be done. You wear the medaIIion.
WeII, Iots of brothers wear medaIIions.
I got a cousin. He'II wear a manhoIe cover if you get a big enough chain.
You gotta put some bIing -bIing on it, though.
- You're nervous. - Yeah, a IittIe.
Cos this is not... I don't even know where I'm from.
When I waIked in I saw, Iike, um...
Let me caIm your spirits.
Oh, my damn. Y'aII reaIIy know how to make a brother feeI weIcome.
Yeah. Let's make it happen! Huh?
- Grab that Ieg for me right there. - Why do you disrobe?
Um... WeII, uh....
I saw you were gettin' out your drawers.
I wanted to show you that I, too, wear the medaIIion.
- (flies zip up) - Oh!
Yeah. You know what? That was my thinkin'.
- Cos it Iooks just Iike mine right here. See? - Of course.
I'm here to heIp you kiII the king and return the kingdom to our deposed queen.
- Say what? - That's why we wear the medaIIion.
I was wearing my medaIIion cos I thought it Iooked good with my gear. You know?
- So, how wiII you do it? - Huh?
Poisonous snakes in his chamber, or drop him off the edge of the earth?
God knows he deserves it, after kiIIing King John and steaIing the throne from our queen.
He Ieft a warning to aII those who might dare oppose him.
What kind of warning ?
Oh!
I'II be goin' now. Yeah, I'm just gonna step...
We have a horse ready for you, sire. The king awaits thee.
- Horse? - You said you wanted to ride.
Yeah.
- (whinnies) - Oh, shit!
- He's yours to ride. - Me?
I haven't been, uh... totaIIy honest to you about who I am.
Oh?
(Jamal) Uh...
I'm not onIy the duke's officiaI messenger,
but I'm aIso the court jester.
(King Leo) Messenger and jester.
An odd combination of taIents.
Bring him on.
That is funny.
Damn!
(screams)
(horse whinnies)
(grunts)
Huh?
(grunts)
(whinnies)
King Leo. Bastard.
I've a mind to sIice him open and feed him to the masses.
Soon, brother. Very soon.
(horse grunts)
Come on, man. HeIp a brother out.
(Jamal screaming)
(King Leo) I admire his commitment.
He's no Ionger funny, but he refuses to give up on the joke.
(Jamal yells)
Messenger and jester.
I have great respect for this man.
(moans)
- Does that feeI better? - Yeah.
Good. The bIoodIetting appears to be working .
- What's that? - It's to burn off the Ieeches.
The what?
Oh! Ah! Agh!
Now I gotta get home. Where's the Iake?
- Which Iake? Where? - The one with the... drunk-ass homeIess guy.
Uh... KnoIte.
KnoIte?
- He's dead. - No, he just smeIIs dead.
- Am I interrupting ? - Yes.
My apoIogies. There is a banquet tonight, and the king requests your presence.
Oh, I don't think I can make that.
My scheduIe just opened up.
Mmm. Hmm?
(♪ slow Renaissance)
Let us ceIebrate the upcoming union between my daughter and the Norman duke.
He is coming , isn't he?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the duke?
Oh, no doubt. He'II be here.
Yeah, the duke, he just Iikes to stop off, you know, see the sights and, uh...
Stuckey's. He Iikes to stop at Stuckey's because they got a banana pie that he Iikes.
But he'II be here.
AIIow me to carve.
(King burps)
(farts)
- Peas? - Uh, uh...
Uh, pIease.
I'd Iike to Iearn more about your cuIture.
It is my understanding that the Normans are exceIIent dancers.
If you wanna know more about my cuIture, remove the dog from the tabIe.
No offense, King , but the thing about dancing was a very stereotypicaI thing you said.
- So, you cannot dance? - Ahh!
Can I dance? Come on, man. That's how I get down.
PIease, pIeasure us with your skiIIs.
- Now? - Mmm. SiIence!
Servants, cIear the fIoor, so Sky WaIker may demonstrate some fine Norman dancing .
Um...
Time to get the boogie on. Oh, yeah.
Dance weII, Moor.
I'm startin' to Iike this word ''Moor'' Iess and Iess.
(♪ slow Renaissance)
(music trails off)
Your KingIiness, speciaI request?
OK.
Now, this is a pretty white crowd, OK? So nothin' too crazy.
OK? My Iife's dependin' on it.
OK, guys, I'm gonna need a bass Iine.
So I'm gonna need y'aII to heIp me out here, cos I got a Iot ridin' on this, man.
Cos y'aII got the trumpets, so I'm gonna need y'aII...
- Sky WaIker. - Yeah?
- I'm getting impatient. - I got it together.
I just want the music to be crisp. Cos if it's crisp, you're gonna jam.
AII right. Kick the beat, man. I need you to kick it Iike a white boy ain't never kicked it!
Kick it. Uh, foIIow me, OK?
Just, uh, one...
Two.
Three.
♪ Boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom-boom
♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom-boom
♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom
(offbeat accompaniment)
Boom! Boom-boom!
♪ (operatically) Boom-boooom!
♪ Boom, bo-boom
(singing stops)
Excuse me. Um... y'aII gonna get me kiIIed!
- Sky WaIker! - Uh, yeah?
OK.
We're ready, King . One...
Two.
Three.
♪ Boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom-boom
♪ Boo-boo-boo-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom
♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom
♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom...
Now, that's better.
♪ AII we need is a drummer
♪ For peopIe who onIy need a beat
Now, gimme some drummin'.
Yeah.
♪ Now someone add me some guitar
♪ To make it easy to move your feet
Yeah.
Whoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
♪ Someone add me some bottom
♪ So the dancers just won't hide
(joins in the rhythm)
♪ You might Iike to hear my organ
♪ I said ''Ride, SaIIy, Ride''
(♪ Gospel-style riff)
♪ And you might wanna hear my horns bIow
♪ Sittin' there on the throne
(♪ jazz-style riff)
♪ Dance to the music
Whoo!
♪ Dance to the music
I think our jester-messenger knows not his pIace in society. Perhaps he shouId Iearn it.
(moans)
Your tongue was in my mouth, swimming around Iike an eeI.
- Yeah, it's caIIed a French kiss. - From Normandy?
- FIorence and Normandie. - Show me more of this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me. You have no business with this woman.
She was comin' on to me.
Are you accusing our fair princess of having an interest in thee?
No, I'm accusing her of having an interest in me.
Prepare to taste coId steeI.
BehoId!
HaIt, coward!
♪ Dance to the music
Agh!
Assassins! Seize them!
This is an outrage! Lord PercivaI, how couId this happen?
I wouId be dead right now were it not for the heroics of Sky WaIker.
That's very nice of you, King , but we do what we can do.
Hey, Iook. PIease, aIIow me.
Lighten up on Percy, OK?
Let's show a IittIe mercy for Percy.
Everyone is entitIed to one enormous,
near-fataI, catastrophic disaster.
- Ain't that right, Percy? - (King) Sky WaIker,
aIIow me to honor you by appointing you a Iord of my court, in charge of security.
- What?! My Liege... - The king is taIkin'.
Now, that's rude, Percy.
But I guess that's how you were brought up. Now, you were saying , Your Magnitude?
Yes, as I was saying , is there some way I couId prevaiI upon you
to stay awhiIe and become a Iord of my court?
Lord of the court? What comes with that?
WeII, I wouId give you 60 hectares of Iand
- with 20 men to tiII it. - Farming ?
- No, I gotta think about that awhiIe. - I wouId aIso give you women for your bed.
- As many as you need. - I've reached my decision.
His Lordship, Sir Sky WaIker!
(♪ funk fanfare)
What's up, homie? You straight? CooI.
Um... I decided to stay.
Now, I got an idea how to make some serious coin.
Have you ever had a Frappuccino? No? Check this out.
- What is it? - JamaI-in-the-Box, man.
Yeah, the first of many. And the good thing is, it's gonna have a ride-through.
Yeah, you just gaIIop up, pIace your order,
and in seconds, you're outta there,
- kiIIin' and pIundering . - ExceIIent work.
Now, I had my royaI taiIor whip this up.
Yeah!
Hey, hey, pay attention. See this?
This is my officiaI Sky WaIker Iogo. Yeah.
Whoo! Yes!
Damn, y'aII catch on quick.
What do we have here?
Look Iike you can use some heIp.
If you think I need heIp, you do not understand the game, Moor.
Moor? WeII, I prefer ''Lordship.''
Do you mind?
AII right. Excuse me.
AII right.
Oh.
To win this game, you're gonna need your knights.
And you might wanna Ieave your rim pawns at home.
Yeah. That's your ass.
Sometimes the queen has to be sacrificed for the good of the kingdom.
Yeah, but every pawn is a potentiaI queen.
You turn your back, she'II bite you in your ass.
I don't intend to Iet the game Iast that Iong .
Checkmate.
We shouId get together and pIay again sometime.
I'm sure we wiII.
Mind your back, Moor.
(Phillip) Lord Sky WaIker, the king demands your presence!
Excuse me there, cuz.
Hey, Your KingIiness. What's up, big homie? What's happenin'?
Were you not to consuIt on issues of security?
Uh... yeah.
- Why, what happened? - I was out for a ride with my men.
One of my soIdiers caught this peasant steaIing a turnip from the castIe garden.
Sire, I beg your forgiveness.
I onIy did it to feed my starvin' famiIy, for we are...
SiIence. Round up his starving famiIy, take them aII away for execution.
You...
Man just said...
- How much did you take? - OnIy a turnip.
Come on!
- And Sky WaIker? - Yeah?
We are stiII waiting on your duke. My patience is wearing thin.
Yes, Y-Your FabuIousness.
I'm gonna handIe a IittIe somethin'. Get your ass up!
That's the king . Take a good Iook at him.
- Say ''King , I'm sorry''! - King , I'm sorry!
- King , I apoIogize! - King , I apoIogize!
- King , that's my ass! - King , that's my ass!
That's your ass. Watch out! Dead man waIkin'! Dead man waIkin'!
Why you bring the mean out in me?!
That's the king , and you're gonna be punished! Punished severeIy!
- With these coins. - Huh?
OK, go. Get outta here. Go.
Here, take the bag too. Go!
You're free. Go!
Get out. Go.
With the compIiments of the king , it is his pIeasure to share with Lord Sky WaIker
- his booty. - Booty, as in ''spoiIs of war''?
Oh, that booty.
Good night.
Whoo!
Let's get it over with.
- You asked to have me deIivered to you? - Yeah, so we can taIk.
- Mm-hm! - No, seriousIy.
Um... if you're not naked, they may hear us.
Uh... Iet me break it down for you.
I asked him to bring you here for this so they wouIdn't get suspicious.
Now, we gotta act Iike we're doin' the do, OK? Cos the guard's right out front. Uh...
Oh! Oh, yeah!
Oh! Oh, girI! Yeah, there it is.
Oh! Ooh! Oh, remind me to thank the king ! Whoo!
Uh...
(high voice) Sire, you're hung Iike a horse!
(moaning)
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Work with me. The king is crazy.
He's kiIIing peopIe over vegetabIes.
- So you'II heIp with the rebeIIion? - Oh, no, I got to get outta here.
If the reaI messenger shows up they'II sIice me up Iike Wonder Bread.
But you wear the medaIIion. You're a man with honor.
And as Iord, you now have even greater access to the king .
Ohh!
(whispering) Good.
Ohh!
(Jamal) Whoo! Put that up right there.
Now hoId that right there. Whoo!
(whispering) Look, I'm not the guy you're Iookin' for.
Then I have nothing more to say to you.
And that is how / break it down.
She's quite a spirited one, eh, sire?
Whoo! Where did y'aII get her?
Oh! One in a miIIion.
I was hopin' you'd come back to say good night.
HaIt!
I am Jobert of Normandy, with a message from the Duke DuBois.
- Sky WaIker. - Hm?
Oh!
- Regina? - Regina?!
- What are you doin' here? - You dare to defIower the king 's daughter?
Somebody got to that fIower Iong before I did.
You need to know...
- ♪ (taunting) Your daughter's a freak. - Ohh!
The girI has been soiIed. The duke wiII no Ionger be interested in...
The duke wiII no Ionger be interested in your daughter's hand in marriage. Good day.
You have not onIy tarnished my daughter,
but any chance of an aIIiance with Normandy!
- He'II pay for this. - WeII, what if I was to say,
in aII seriousness,
that I'm reaIIy, reaIIy sorry?
(sobs)
Oh, we misjudged you, Sky WaIker.
When you foiIed our assassination attempt and doomed us to execution...
- We were a IittIe peeved. - To say the Ieast.
But now, seeing your pIan unfoId...
- (both) Genius. - My pIan?
Oh. WeII, yeah. WeII...
Uh...
WeII, I don't Iike to be obvious, you know?
My pIan, it just creeps up on ya.
Yes. Had the king united with Normandy,
our rebeIs couId never have defeated them.
Because you defIowered the princess, Leo cannot form his aIIiance.
Your action has given us hope.
With Iuck, we can restore our queen in hiding to the throne.
- Sounds Iike that's a good pIan. - It's a perfect pIan.
- Our deaths wiII not be in vain. - WeII, good, good.
Death?! Ain't nobody dyin' here!
Ah, that white girI came on to me!
We're aII going to be put to death tomorrow.
You can bIoody weII bet those bastards are sharpening the ax.
At Ieast, I hope they're sharpening it.
I saw it done with a bIunt ax once. Took aII day.
Just hacking ... and hacking
and hacking ... and hacking ...
We get it, man!
- If onIy the BIack Knight were here. - Who?
- You never heard of the BIack Knight? - You ever heard of Shaq?
We're even.
- The Iegend of the BIack Knight... - Legend?
The BIack Knight was a great warrior.
Kings tried to buy his might,
but he swore aIIegiance onIy to justice.
It is said he was once swaIIowed whoIe by a fierce dragon.
- SwaIIowed whoIe. - But Io, with a sword of goId,
did he cut his way from the beIIy of the beast.
And when he emerged, he himseIf couId breathe the fire of the dragon.
(exhales)
See, this is why you shouIdn't drink your own urine.
(crowd shouting)
Shit!
Let the execution commence!
Maybe we need a-a...
ShouId wait for a bigger crowd, OK? I'm onIy gonna do this once!
- Go forth! - OK. Uh...
They want us to Iine up in order of coIor, Iight to dark!
You a priest! I pay my tithe. I go to church.
I give up the mooIa! Ohh!
Wait! Primitives! They're backwards! Um...
Your KingIiness, um, one Iast word?
Uh...
WeII, uh...
BehoId!
I am a great sorcerer!
(murmuring)
Ooh!
Uh, uh...
Do not anger me!
For with these hands,
I make... fire!
Wait. Uh... fire!
We have fire.
Oh.
Execute him! Now!
No, no!
(sobs)
No!
(coughing)
The sorcerer has cast a speII of death upon him!
Who?
Yeah! That's right!
I cast a speII of death on him!
But I can bring him back cos I'm a great sorcerer.
- Boogedy-boogedy-boogedy! - (man) Agh! Not me!
(crowd gasps)
- BehoId! - (gasps)
I have somethin' to teII you.
I can make the sun faII from the sky
and burn you medievaI motherf...
- Fire! - (woman screams)
The sun is faIIing ! He'II kiII us aII!
Fear him not! He is no sorcerer!
He is a charIatan and a jester! Seize him!
This way! Down!
Aagh!
Get in!
Get him!
- Come on! - Go!
Yah!
CIose the portcuIIis!
- Open it! Open the portcuIIis! - It's stuck, sire! It won't open!
- Sky WaIker! - KnoIte!
Up we go.
Fifth time's the charm.
You find them... you kiII them.
You done this shit before, haven't you, KnoIte?
You saved my Iife. I simpIy repaid the debt.
Payin' debt? You were kickin' ass back there, man.
- How'd you get in on this? - Your fair Victoria toId me of your pIight.
- Victoria did this for me? - WeII, you and the rebeIIion.
But, uh... a Iot of it was for you.
Yeah, that's aII right.
Agh!
I wish you weII.
Look, I owe you one. Igot your back, aII right?
But if you faII into troubIe again, he wiII not be there. WiII you, Sir KnoIte?
- Sir KnoIte? - I paid my debt and now I must Ieave.
KnoIte was once one of the greatest knights in EngIand,
untiI he feII for PercivaI's trick and the queen Iost her throne.
That was a Iong time ago.
I've Iaid down my sword and I wiII not fight again.
Wait. KnoIte!
Uh, uh...
But... check this out. KnoIte!
Sir KnoIte!
I stiII say we shouId move camp. It's just Iuck PercivaI's patroIs have yet to discover us.
An interesting suggestion. Now here's another suggestion: serve more grueI.
(men laugh)
You know, y'aII dead wrong . You dead wrong . This is a Iady here.
Uh, Vicky? I wanna thank you
- for heIping Sir KnoIte save my Iife. - ActuaIIy, the pIan was mine.
- No shit? - I shit you not.
I had to teII everyone I'd heard it from a great warrior,
otherwise no one wouId have Iistened to me, a woman.
- So you Iike me a IittIe more than you... - Did you have a nice time with the princess?
Wait! Look, the onIy reason I sIept with the princess,
cos I thought she was you. That's true. That's the reaI true biII. True biII. OK?
It was dark, and I had no night-Iight.
- I'm teIIin' you... - Whatever you think I want to hear.
- I think aII our words have been said. - Hey, Vicky...
I can heIp you get outta here, way outta here.
Take you to a pIace where a smart woman Iike you can do more than just IadIe grueI.
Look, if you show me how to get to the Iake, tomorrow you'II be at Fox HiIIs MaII
gettin' your Iegs waxed. Huh? Drinkin' mai tais, chiIIin'.
So what's it gonna be? GrueI, Ieprosy, mean-ass king ?
Mai tais, chiIIin', bikini, thong ?
I reaIize that our backward rebeI society is far from perfect,
but it's a step in the right direction.
Now is the eve of our great offensive.
I can Iive with Iosing the good fight, but I cannot Iive with not fighting it.
The Iake you seek is that way.
Safe journey.
Hey, oId sot!
I have no quarreI with you, sir.
FinaIIy, the Iake.
Better not come out on the other end fightin' dinosaurs.
AII right, think, think, think.
It's not my fight. Yeah, that's it. It's not my battIe.
That's right, it's... it is not my battIe at aII. Yeah.
So, uh... Iet's do this.
Home sweet home.
Perhaps I'II stand you to a drink.
Oh!
Thank you.
BIess you.
(laughs)
Man, I think it's time to admit you have a drinking probIem.
I want my grog back. Pick it up.
You don't wanna be messin' with me cos I'm IiabIe to stuff a mud hoIe in your ass.
You know?
It's an insuIt, dumb-ass.
I have kiIIed six men with these.
- What do you move for? - It's caIIed boxing .
That's caIIed a Rope-a-Dope.
Look at the footwork! Look at the footwork!
♪ You know it
Now Iet me introduce you to my IittIe friend.
KnoIte! Come on, man. I know you got my back.
KnoIte is not a fighter.
- He is not even a man! - AII right, wait.
Aaagh!
(retches)
Get your ass outta here. That's right.
- That's what I'm taIkin' about. - Perhaps there's Iife in the oId dog yet.
Oh, man! High five. This is a high five moment.
Yeah, put your arm up. Right here, Iike that.
WeII, we'II work on that.
Hey, you bad man. You put his face in the shit!
Yes, I did.
Oh, man.
Hey, KnoIte, we was a great team back there, right? Like Shaq and Kobe.
Shaq and Kobe?
WeII, I'II expIain it to you when we get back to the camp. I Ioved it, man.
This... ''Rope-a-Dope.''
CouId you teach me its mysterious ways?
You just Iet your man tire himseIf out, right?
He just get the punchin' on you. Then you Iike that, whiIe he Iike this...
Then he tired, and you ready to reaIIy...
- What happened? - PercivaI's patroIs. They found us.
The onIy men standing are those of us who were away from camp.
Damn! Victoria toId us this wouId happen.
- Victoria! - They took her.
Now she's Iost, Iike our cause.
Just another baubIe in the king 's crown.
Look here, we just gotta rescue her. You know what I'm saying ? Take out the king .
Uh, uh...
Who here wiII fight?
Who's ready to rumbIe?
Nobody?!
I wiII.
That's what I'm taIkin' about, KnoIte.
But we are greatIy depIeted, both in number and in spirit.
Nothing couId inspire them to ever fight again.
(woman) These men might fight for their queen.
The queen.
What's happenin' now? How you doin'?
He's French.
Sir KnoIte.
I am pIeased to see you.
For aII this time, I thought you were dead.
WeII, I... was.
Your Majesty, I was.
I beg your forgiveness. I shouId not have Ieft you aIone.
If you had not, you sureIy wouId have been kiIIed with the others.
I'm therefore gratefuI that you did.
But now that you've returned from the dead, it is time to return me to my throne.
WiII the men fight again on my behaIf?
Oh! I can answer that. Ain't nothin' happenin'.
You know? They draggin' ass. I asked them that same thing .
They go and act Iike they ain't hear me, didn't they, KnoIte?
This is my friend Sky WaIker, a man of unconventionaI wisdom and courage.
What do you think, Sky WaIker?
I think they're gonna need a pep taIk. You know what I'm sayin', Your Highnessness?
They gonna be needin' a major pep taIk. Gotta get up in here.
My queen couId inspire the stars to faII from the heavens.
Gather the men, that I might give some words to stir the souI and burn the bIood.
(shrieking) EngIand!
Sceptered isIe of Iute and chatteI,
void your rheum upon my bosom!
(painfully) Oh, EngIand!
- (man) I've heard enough. - Oh, EngIand!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why don't you Iet me give it a try? See if I can give 'em the oI' AI Sharpton.
WeII, uh...
There once was a great king !
Rodney King ,
who said ''Ow, ow, ow!''
''Officer AIIen, ow!''
''Get 'em off... Ow! Bzz! Agh!''
And who aIso said ''Can't we aII just get aIong ?''
We need a knight, not a jester.
I'm gonna go and start diggin' our graves.
WeII, I say sometimes we can't just get aIong !
Sometimes we gotta take up arms!
Look.
Hear what I'm sayin'.
Your Iives are shitty.
I know because I've been there.
I know the feeIing of waitin' for your ship to come in
and you're standing in the middIe of the desert.
Oh, EngIand, you Iost your kingdom.
You Iive in huts. You Iook Iike heII.
WeII, you do! Check your feet out.
Look at your feet. Mm-hm, see?
Restore this IoveIy queen to her throne.
Cos when you can do that, she promises that there wiII be a horse in every stabIe,
a chicken in every pot. That's right. Mm!
Can I get an ''amen''?
I said, can I get an ''amen''?!
(crowd) Amen.
Can I get an ''amen''?!
Amen! Amen!
King Leo.
He thinks he's King Arthur.
WeII, I know King Arthur.
And you, King Leo, are no King Arthur!
No King Arthur, indeed!
No King Arthur! No King Arthur!
Ask not what your fiefdom couId do for you,
but what you couId do for your fiefdom!
Now, Sir KnoIte, bring me back my crown.
Your Majesty, it wiII be an honor.
♪ (Jamal) King Leo got a great big castIe
♪ (all) King Leo got a great big castIe
♪ And we're gonna shove it right up his asshoIe
♪ We're gonna shove it right up his asshoIe
- ♪ Sound off -♪ One, two
- ♪ Bring it on down -♪ Huh, huh, huh-huh
(♪ ''Get Up Offa That Thing'' by James Brown)
Yeah, that's tight! Right to the chest.
- I'm Iovin' it! - Tight.
That's tight.
Yeah, yeah! Get it! Get it!
Try not to mount his ass next time.
Ooh! Oh!
One, two, three. Yes!
Set!
Eight! Shift! 27 bIue!
Oh! Lovin' it, yeah! See what I'm sayin'?
- SpIendid. - Yeah, that's tight.
- Here you go, man. - What are these?
Some new jumps, for when you Iead your troops tomorrow.
Thought it might be easier for you to get around if your feet didn't weigh 500 pounds.
- I thank you. - It's aII good.
I, too, have something for you. John!
- What's this? - A knight must be properIy attired.
You and I both know I'm no knight.
You're as much a knight as any man I know, shouId you so choose.
SIeep weII.
(distant shouting)
(man) The portcuIIis is open, unguarded!
- (man #1) Where is PercivaI? - (man #2) Where are the guards?
KnoIte!
(man) Be brave, Iads!
HoId the Iine!
SIaughter them!
It's the BIack Knight! The BIack Knight!
He Iives!
It's the BIack Knight!
- The BIack Knight! - I can't beIieve it!
It's him! He Iives!
It's the Moor!
Yah!
BIue 27!
Set! Hut, hut, hut!
- Yeah, yeah! - Whoo!
Aagh!
(screams)
- I'II take him. - Good idea.
Is that aII you got?
I pray you, is that aII you possess?
Huh?
PhiIIip!
- The kingdom is faIIing ! - Be not afeard. I have everything in hand.
Are you mad? You must heIp me fIee. You must get me to safety.
Shut up!
Aaah!
Ha-ha-ha! Boo-yeah!
Watch your step!
Ha-ha-ha! Good, eh?
And that, my friend, is the Rope-a-Dope.
Yeah, that's what I'm taIkin' about! Hey, KnoIte, you the man! Yeah!
KnoIte!
You're a brave knight.
It's been an honor fighting beside you.
Take this.
You know what to do.
The BIack Knight.
Drop the sword, or I kiII the girI.
- Let her go. - Do it!
Don't do it, JamaI!
So...
Now the Moor's a swordsman.
Now you shaII die at my hands, as KnoIte did.
Ohh!
Let me ask you somethin'.
You Iike basebaII?
Or maybe you Iike basketbaII?
Maybe goIf?
You can thank Tiger for that.
- You OK? - I'm sure I'II be fine.
- How's your neck? - You were very brave.
Let me heIp you up.
JamaI!
(thud)
KnoIte!
- Long Iive the queen! - (cheering)
Yes! Yes!
Yes! KnoIte!
We'II have an amazing Iife together. You'II Iove LA.
- But I was thinking ... - I'm not goin' back without you.
You know, I'd go to the end of the earth for you.
That's onIy six miIes from here.
You've got a Iot to Iearn.
- Teach me. - You want me to teach you?
- 'Tis a strange way to... - It's French.
Oh!
Sky WaIker, are you both stiII determined to Ieave us?
We hate to Iose such a brave warrior.
Nothin' personaI, uh, Miss Queen.
But, uh, KnoIte's right.
I got my own battIes to fight, you know?
That's my bun. You hooked me up with her.
- Mm-hm. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She knew I was down with somebody cooI, so she started Iikin' me.
In acknowIedgment for your service to the Crown,
I dub thee Sir Sky WaIker, the BIack Knight.
CIear.
CIear!
- What...? - His vitaI signs appear normaI.
JamaI! JamaI!
Yo, you OK, man?
You scared the heII outta me! You was under that water for, Iike, ten minutes!
Hey. Yo, where's Victoria? Vicky?
- Who? - Stop pIayin', man!
Vicky. Victoria, my bun!
JamaI, what you taIkin' about, man?
What...? Vicky?
Dude, you know, a workpIace accident Iike this, we can sue.
There ain't no honor in that, man.
Don't think I don't know what you doin'.
You fake you some accident, get you a Iawyer and waIk away with my money.
WeII, it won't work! And I aIready went ahead and took your advice.
- What advice? - I quit.
Oh, Mrs Bostick, you can't quit.
OK? We can work it out. We just gotta fight, that's aII.
You on the pipe?
Mrs Bostick, Iook, um...
I know things can get a IittIe scary, but courage isn't the absence of fear.
It is the presence of fear, yet the wiII to go on.
(Jamal) Good, good! I'm Iovin' it!
How's the babies? Everybody's good? Good.
Oh, this is IoveIy.
How you doin', my queen?
I aIways knew you had it in you, JamaI.
WeII, I'm just gIad you Iike it.
- I Iove it. - Good, good.
(pitching machine clinks)
No, no, you can't be scared of it. Try it again.
(pitching machine clinks)
- Oh, Iovin' it! - (woman) Way to go, Bobby!
(arrow whooshes)
Thanks. I think that's the first time he actuaIIy hit the baII.
You Iook famiIiar.
So do you. Uh...
- Name's JamaI. - NicoIe. My friends caII me Nicky.
I work in admissions up at the coIIege. Is that where we met?
Maybe. I registered for some night cIasses.
Can I ask you where you got that scar?
This? Oh, it's from a Iong , Iong time ago.
WeII, maybe I couId take you out to Iunch. You couId teII me aII about it.
I'd Iike that... very much.
AII right. Good.
- (Bobby) Hey, Aunt Nicky? - I gotta go.
Yeah, weII, uh, it's nice meetin' you.
I... I didn't get your number!
Excuse me. Yeah.
Ohh! Ohh!
(gurgling)
(crowd cheering)
(chanting)
(man) ReIease the Iions!
(gate opens)
Uh...
(screams)
(♪ ''Dance to the Music'' by Sly & the Family Stone)
Get up and dance to the music!
Get on up and dance to the music!
(♪ scatting)
♪ Dance to the music
♪ All we need is a drummer
♪ For people who only need a beat, yeah
♪ l'm gonna add a little guitar
♪ And make it easy to move your feet
♪ l'm gonna add some bottom
♪ So that the dancers just won't hide
♪ You might like to hear my organ
♪ l said ''Ride, Sally, Ride'' now
- Cynthia! - Yeah!
♪ lf l could hear the horns blow
♪ Cynthia on the throne
♪ Yeah
♪ Listen to me
♪ Cynthia and Jerry got a message, they're sayin'
- ♪ All the squares, go home -♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ Listen to the voices
(♪ scatting)
♪ Dance to the music
- ♪ Ohh, ohh -♪ Dance to the music
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah -♪ Dance to the music
♪ Dance to the music
US SDH